Football transfer rumours: Frank Lampard to Manchester United?

All poor Frank Lampard wants to do is play for Chelsea. That's what the Stamford Bridge legend has been telling anyone who'll listen, in a series of passive-aggressive navel-gazing post-match whines over the past few weeks, interviews which strangely never address how his recent upsurge in form might be down to Andre Villas-Boas saving the box-to-box star's 33-year-old legs by rationing his performances. So surely he's not about to leave for Manchester United, to fill the massive hole in the Old Trafford midfield? Surely he won't turn out for Manchester United, after all that cardiopulmonary resuscitation style badge thumping, and looking very angry and serious and committed 'cause he means it, man? Oh Frank!

So that's the big one dealt with. Other news, and QPR plan to offer Blackburn Rovers an insulting £1.5m for Yakubu.

Tottenham Hotspur plan to offer Blackburn Rovers an insulting £12m for Junior Hoilett and Christopher Samba.

Tottenham Hotspur and Manchester United are both monitoring theGary Cahill situation. Why are they doing this? He's off to Chelsea in a £7m deal, we've been told this often enough. To believe anything else would make the daily consumption of rumours a futile pursuit of the gravest idiocy. What? Ssh! Shut up! Farewell the plumed troops and big wars! The Rumour Mill's occupation's gone!

Manchester City are looking to strengthen their threadbare squad, it says here. Po' Manchester City! Manchester City's a-cold! They're not messing about; they want Roma midfielder Daniele de Rossi, Internazionale playmaker Wesley Sneijder, and AC Milan defenderThiago Silva. Might be a time to remind ourselves that neighbours United are after Frank Lampard. And have Michael Owen on their books.

Tottenham Hotspur yet again, and they're in for Juventus winger andChelsea target Milos Krasic. So much shopping to do! It's almost as though Harry Redknapp feels he's somehow running out of time, and needs to get things done very, very quickly.

Liverpool and Manchester City are both taking a look at Birmingham City's 17-year-old winger Nathan Redmond. The tariff is £12m, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain having left Southampton for Arsenal in a similar deal. If facile comparisons are the way players are priced these days, it's lucky for Liverpool that Redmond isn't a great big lumbering galoot; that's saved them £23m from the get-go.

Arsenal want Swansea City defender Neil Taylor, while Newcastle United are after his fellow Swan Ashley Williams. Brendan Rogers is patrolling the pair, emitting a very unconvincing "hands off" at regular intervals. Newcastle are also planning a £4m bid for James Tomkins, West Ham thinking of replacing their player with the cheaper Vedran Corluka of Tottenham fame. It's roughly akin to a domino effect, this, like international communism in the 1950s.

Darren Bent, linked yesterday with Liverpool, is staying at Aston Villa.

Aston Villa striker Darren Bent is expected to be linked tomorrow withLiverpool.

Celtic are in for Jay Bothroyd, who'll be replaced at QPR by Fulham's Andrew Johnson. Meanwhile Kris Commons, who was good for about ten minutes at Parkhead, is heading for Championship cloth-touching concern Southampton.

Frank Lampard, though.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football